You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase -
I’m very perfectionistic and very lazy, which is a terrible combination.
woohoo ready for my first run in the morning :) It’s time for the 6k.
When I look in the mirror, I know I’m looking at someone who isn’t sure she deserves to be loved at all.
When recovery is not all yoga mats
and tea and avocados, it is work.
It is listening to your body rather
than pretending not to hear her.
It is waking up so hungry, you are
nauseous, but swallowing breakfast
anyways. It is taking an hour to eat a
snack. It is your stomach throwing a
tantrum and telling the acidic voice
in your head she has the wrong address.
Trying to ignore the caloric calculator in my head is like trying to ignore television subtitles.
Every time you asked if I was full, I heard you say fat, and I’m trying, trying so hard not to do that.
This is teaching my body how to forgive.
This is teaching my brain how to apologize.
I thought I would be okay. I kept telling myself: “Work harder. Go home and get to bed early. Don’t tell others you’re unhappy.” I don’t know how to get through these long nights. I can’t sleep. I don’t want to hate myself.